Sunday, March 25, 2012

How do you know

How do you know when a child is meant to be yours?  Is it a smile, a twinkle in the eye?  A pleading look?  An instant connection to a picture?  How do you know?

I'm struggling with this right now.  I am so excited to be bringing Eli home.  I thought i was content.  Then, another child who is in the same area as Eli got listed this weekend.  I had to see his picture.  There is one other child listed right now from Eli's area and although he is cute i didn't feel any connection.  When i looked at this newly listed child, my heart lept.  Seriously, skipped a beat in my chest.  He is adorable.  He looks like he could be my child.  I want to bring him home too.  I want him and Eli to be brothers.  I want him to experience the joy our family has, our highs, our lows, our family. 

How do you know?  I've been thinking about the newly listed child all day.  I'm afraid.  I'm afraid he is in the same place as our Eli and i will have to look into his eyes and tell him i can't be his mama.  I'm not sure i could do it.  So what do you do? 

18 comments:

  1. I know the little guy you are talking about. My daughter and her friend had a bake sale for him yesterday......they sent 25 to his account last night. He is so cute and they were sad that he didn't have any money in his account yet. I am sure it is a tough decision whether to add another little one....good luck in your journey.
    We will be thinking about you and your family

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  2. keep praying God will show you the answer.

    for many years i've been advocating for RR and several times i've felt the way you said about some kids, but the kids i put my heart on found families. everyone but one. one day after 2 years she had a family and so i was there with my heart happy and sad.

    i knew none of them was supposed to be my kid, because my husband wasnt on board with it. until we found our girl (domestically) and we adopted her.

    what does your husband think/feels? pray to God to show you an answer and if this new child is not for you to erase 'that feeling' from your heart.

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    1. Thank you Alicia! I would be happy if he found a family. I just think he could be ours too, if that makes any sense? Hubby says no :) he thinks i'm crazy!

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  3. Oh Jamie, I can SOOOO relate!!! Keep praying! Keep praying that if it is Gods will, that HE will touch your husbands heart. I so felt like we were (are) supposed to adopt Piper in addition to Alyssa and my husband thought I was crazy too. When I was heartbroken he couldn't understand why I couldn't just be happy about Alyssa, that my desire for Piper too was taking the joy away from Alyssa's adoption. I explained to him that its like I'm in a boat with my 2 daughters, they both fall in water and can't swim. I reach down and grab one to put her safely on the boat. I cannot rejoice in that one while my other daughter is still drowning in the water. I don't know how clear that made things to him but God did open his heart when he had moments been for had been a solid "no."

    Pray for both of your hearts to be aligned with Gods will and for Him to speak CLEARLY to you both. You never know what God will do.

    I didn't share all of the details on my blog but I did post some.

    http://findingrdaughter.blogspot.com/2012/01/prayers-for-discernment.html

    http://findingrdaughter.blogspot.com/2012/01/happy-tears.html

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    1. By the way, I found your blog through the Adoption Blog Hop :)

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  4. ooh and check out the next blog post I just read through the Adoptive Families Blog Hop, or whatever it is called lol http://www.upcycledpurpose.blogspot.com/

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  5. Thank you for your kind thoughts Michelle!

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  6. Jamie, Thanks for your comment! That is awesome you are adopting Eli! The family that raised all that money for him is also helping us raise money for Victoria! Amazing people, doing amazing things. Can't wait to follow Eli home.

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    1. Aren't they awesome???? I think of them all the time with such gratitude for all they are doing for these kids!

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  7. I came from the blog hop too. I agree with what most have said. Pray. It is hard to know. But God will give you that peace.

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  8. Since Eli's fund was so full, maybe you should consider this newly listed "brother" for Eli. If he is in the same orphanage as Eli, maybe you can adopt both in the same trip :)

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    1. Larisa, we still have quite a bit of fundraising to do unfortunately! The area that Eli lives in is one of the more expensive ones to adopt from. Of course he is worth it though. I spoke with our social worker and she doesn't think we would be approved to bring home the other child b/c we have 3 young children already at home. So we will have to pray that the other little guy finds a family!

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    2. which one is the other little guy? I tried to see, myself, but not sure. And I don't know why your social worker thinks 3 kids would prevent you from bringing home 2 more when Patricia from RR told me we could bring Eli home even with my 6 kids home.

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    3. I'll post a link. Our social worker said that the country the kids are in may not approve us to bring home two young children with significant needs on top of us having a 6,4,1 year old at home. She spoke to a worker in country about this. I think it wouldn't have been such a big deal to bring home 2 if our kids were older. But hubby is not on board w/ both so it's moot anyway. http://reecesrainbow.org/34860/titas-l

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    4. link above. we are actually approved to bring home two on the homestudy, just more of a country issue.

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  9. Jamie, I know exactly how you feel. I have wondered that myself after falling in love with a little guy's picture on RR after already being neck deep into a domestic adoption program.

    All we could do is pray and pray and ask for God to either open the door or close it! My heart was absolutely willing. My husband was open to it but would need a lot more clear direction! The door ended up closing tight when another family committed to him (which was wonderful!) but I spent many a night praying that if no one else would, to please bring him home to us somehow!

    Pray that he will find his family, and if it happens to be you, that God will make that clear (to both you AND hubby!). ;)

    P.S. Hopped over to your blog after your comment on mine, thank you! Can't wait to see your story unfold!

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