Oh my heart.
Today my heart is hurting.
When we walked out of Eli's orphanage for the last time, I was a weeping, sobbing, snotty mess (my apologies again to our friend who traveled with me). It was many things really. Watching a nanny take Eli into a corner to tell him she loved him. Watching her kiss him and tell him to be a good boy. Feeling her kiss my cheek and cry on my shoulder and tell me she loved me, thanking me for giving him a family. Knowing her heart was breaking a little to say goodbye to a child she had known and cared for his entire life, even if she was so happy for him to have a family.
Kissing and hugging the children I had fallen in love with over the previous two weeks for the last time, knowing I would never see most of them again. Hoping they would also be chosen. I've thought about those children so many times over the last 5 months. I have REJOICED to find out that Eli's best friend had been SEEN, chosen and wanted by a loving family. Finding out they live close enough for me to see that sweet face again, to be able to watch my son be reunited with his best friend in the future will be a sweet moment I am sure.
I saw a post from this sweet family on facebook today. They had been told that since their little one was turning 6 soon, that she may be transferred to an institution before they could get to her. Luckily, that is not going to happen, and their little one will be kept safe until they can rescue her. So I cheered with them.
And then it hit me. 6. 6? 6!!!! We brought Eli home in October, and he turned 6 this month. And my heart cracked again. thinking of my sweet boy, and his possible fate if we hadn't rescued him. He is so full of life, of vigor. He enjoys life, all the experiences he can have. What would that transfer have done to him? I have no idea what the institutions are like where he is from. I know he was in an excellent orphanage. I know in many other countries children are transferred as soon as age 4, and many of those children do not live long afterwards.
Adoption is tough stuff. Our transition with Eli has truly been a dream, and still it can be tough. But let me tell you friends, Each one of these children is worth is. Each one of these children is worth my heartache today over what could have happened to my sweet boy. Each one of these children just wants a family to call their own. Please look at each one of these children, and imagine if it were your child facing transfer to an institution...
Although he looks like a very young child, Casey will be 16 soon and permanently unable to be adopted...could he be your son?
Millie's picture makes me want to weep. Poor baby needs a mama to wipe those tears away and give her something to smile about.