Living in the trenches and working through hard stuff with kiddo's who have been institutionalized is a constant work in progress. I took the girls to get fitted for sure steps today (little braces for their feet) and Jocelyn had a hard time. She does not like change and usually has a negative reaction to new experiences.
She cried when the man started to measure her foot. BUT, two amazing things happened along with the crying. She cried outLOUD!! Sounds like a weird thing to be excited about right? Well, ever since we picked her up, she has cried SILENTLY. It is heart breaking to find her crying silently on the floor, really truly heart breaking. I was so excited to HEAR her crying today and not bc she was physically hurt (she cries when they take blood).
Secondly, she reached for ME today, bypassing the fun, new physical therapist. This is HUGE. She is working on attachment, and up until this point would have chosen any random "caregiver". New people were even better for her honestly, bc in her mind, they might be "better" than us or not require hard things. We call it mommy shopping here.
Side note: this is also why we sometimes limit who can hold and hug her. She needs to know who mama and papa are first. Anyway....today, today she crawled PAST the fun NEW person, and reached for me, her mama, to comfort her. It seriously made every single hard moment in the last three months just melt away.
She knows. She KNOWS I will protect her. Forever and ever baby, mama will keep you safe. Mama will push you to try hard, but she will also be there to catch you and encourage you. And the glimpse I got today, that she is starting to realize that, made my heart catch. Of course I don't think she is firmly attached by any means, but she has started the journey, and THAT is exciting!