Easier

Okay folks, this is a long story so prop your feet up and bare with me!

When you are adopting, you have to get fingerprinted like a ZILLION times.  One of the things we need is a FBI background check but we need it to come from the FBI, not the quick electronic ones.  So, as soon as we committed to Lillie (hadn't committed to Jocelyn yet) we sent our prints in and waited.  It takes about 6 weeks to get them back.  I was so excited when they came back but that quickly turned to concern.  Jared's were approved but mine were rejected.  Okay, well we had submitted them early so it wasn't holding us up, no big deal. 

I had my prints re-taken and re-sent them in, confident they would be approved this time.  I didn't have any trouble with my prints when we adopted Eli, so I wasn't overly concerned.  I called at the 4 week mark just to check on them and they were REJECTED again.   Duh duh duh....  I asked the lady at the FBI what to do and she said I had to submit a third set and see if they were rejected again, OH and we had to pay again for it.  We didn't have to re-pay to submit the second set but for the third set we did.  Great. 

So we re-did and re-sent and felt MUCH less confident this time around.  I've been calling at least once a week for the last several weeks.  I actually have talked to a very nice lady at the FBI several times.  She even called me at home after we talked the first time because she said she couldn't stop thinking of us and our story.  So I called and got her again today, which is crazy to me that the last three times I've called I've gotten her.  Must be a reason bc it is totally random who you get when you call.  So, today, my lovely FBI friend told me sad sad news...my prints have not been put into the system yet...and she is afraid they were lost somewhere, bc it is past the point in their system when they should be visable.  SIGH SIGH SIGH.   Tentatively, I asked her if I could send a set directly to her, praying she was moved to help us.  She told me that she was going to do everything in her power to help us.  We needed to retake them and then she would try and help us out.  As we got off the phone, she also told me she would pray for us. 

Called the hub-ster pretty frustrated that I had to drag the kids downtown to get ink and electronic prints.  I dont' love going to our downtown, it's hard to drive and park and i'm a baby and it scares me a little.  I also HATE dragging the kids around down there.  Hubby agreed to let me pick him up (he works downtown) and sit in the car with the kids while I got my fingerprints done. 

So we got to the justice center and I waited in a line behind people who were checking on their warrant status's and visiting inmates....super duper fun.  I kept my head down and my eyes on the prize lol.  Got to the front desk and the lady who you pay couldn't understand why I needed electronic and ink prints.  Told her that was what my  new friend at the FBI told me to do for our best chance to get them approved.  She sent me back (without paying) to talk to the cops in the fingerprint section.  I explained my story to the lady-cop in the back.  She was a bit incredulous but super nice.  AND I handed her my money to pay and she went to get me change and brought ALL my money back to me and told me to KEEP it!  Say WHAT????????  Wow!!!  So she said my fingerprints were great and she thinks the place who did the electronic ones must have screwed something up.  She was SO NICE!!!!

It got me to thinking.  Thinking about adoption and all the paperwork and hassle it can be.  It would be so much EASIER for us not to run here and there and everywhere getting all this stuff done.  Truthfully, life at home is pretty smooth right now.  Eli has transitioned beautifully and has very few issues.  It would be EASIER not to bring home two more children who have disabilities.  One of whom I suspect is left to lay alone in her crib much of her day.  It would be EASIER to be content that I had done my part.  We "rescued" one child already. Isn't that enough? 

And maybe all this hassle and being rejected over and over are signs that we shouldn't be doing this?  But you know what I realized?  Instead of taking today and being frustrated and taking the signs as a negative thing, i'm choosing to look at the positives.  Not once but TWICE today I had strangers go out of their ways to HELP me, to help us bring the girls home.  Neither one of them had to do the things they did.  In fact, it would have been easier for them to do the very minimum, and wash their hands of my case.  But they didn't.  And we won't either.  We don't need easier.  When I look at my girl's faces, I don't see easier, but I see how our family will be BETTER for having them in our lives.  And that is enough.

quick picture update!

He is full of life and loving his freedom these days!

Sassy girl always has her own way of looking at the world!

new pic of Jocelyn!!!!

Hi there Beautiful!

What cha lookin at mama?

A little help from our friends

First, it is a sad say in my little adoption community.  Another child who had a family coming has died before they could get to her.  She was in the same country my girls are in.  Rest in peace little one, rest in peace. 

http://theroadtopeacefield.blogspot.com/


Second, I got to thinking about adoption and the reasons people say they can't adopt.  One of those reasons is (understandably) the COST.  This is something I worry about everyday.  Will we have enough money to bring the girls home?  I know we can afford to CARE for them, but coming up with 35k in 10 months or so is SCARY!!!!  Very scary if we are being honest here.  SO, here are links to children with LARGE grants that would be a blessing to any family.  Please look and see if any of them are your children, I know they would be great additions to any family!!!

Meet Iris.  She has over 16k in her grant fund on Reece's Rainbow.  Her adoption total would be around 25k so she is SO close to being fully funded!!!  Several people have met iris and they all speak about what a JOY she is to be around!  I KNOW her family is out there!

http://reecesrainbow.org/52215/iris

 

 

Meet Maria.  She has 15,000 in her grant account on Reece's Rainbow.  Her adoption total will also be around 25k, so very close!!!!!  She looks like a Happy girl!

http://reecesrainbow.org/52212/maria

 

Meet Jason.  I LOVE this little guy, he is so so so cute!!! He has over 11,000 in his account.  I am not sure on the total for his adoption but I believe it is a lower cost country.   http://reecesrainbow.org/369/Jason

 

 

Meet Simon.  He has 10,000 in his account.  He NEEDS a family QUICKLY or he will age out and be unable to be adopted into the USA.  This means he will spend the rest of his sad days in an institution :(  http://reecesrainbow.org/50017/simon

 

Meet Dixie!  She has over 12,000 in her grant.  I believe adoptions in her country run 25-30k, so a VERY good start here. She is a lovely young lady!  http://reecesrainbow.org/47807/dixie-l2

 

Meet Jaeger!  He has over 11,000 in his account.  The total for his adoption will be around 27,000.  http://reecesrainbow.org/34493/jaeger

 

Meet Clarice!  She has over 11,000 in her grant.  She is in a country where her adoption will be around 25k.  http://reecesrainbow.org/32799/clarice

 

Meet Greta.  she has over 10,000 in her account!  http://reecesrainbow.org/32794/greta

 

 

Meet Stephie.  She has over 10,000 in her account!!!!!  Hair loss is VERY common in kids with down syndrome, both boys and girls!  She would rock some cool hats!!!

http://reecesrainbow.org/24772/stephie

 

Meet Brandi!  She has over 10,000 in her grant account.  She is a DOLLY!!!!!  http://reecesrainbow.org/11278/brandi-53

 

Meet Felix!  He has over 11,000 in his account!!  http://reecesrainbow.org/8341/felix5201

 

 

Meet Mark, he has over 10,000 in his grant account.  He has Down syndrome and also Leukemia.  Mark NEEDS a family ASAP!!! 

http://reecesrainbow.org/297/mark-latin-America

 

 

 There you have it friends.  12 children with grants over 10,000!!!!!!  Please look and see if any of them could be your child!!!

 

 

Because their lives are worth it too

Moving right along with our adoption.  One major thing I have noticed with this adoption is the lack of support this time around.  When we were adopting Eli, everyone was so excited for us.  I think bc it was new and people thought we were great for helping this kid (not our thoughts, but comments we would get from others).  I guess, foolishly, I thought we would have the same excitement this time around.  I was warned by my friends who have adopted more than once  not to get my hopes up, but I was sure they were wrong.  Unfortunately, they were right.  With a few exceptions, it has been a very different experience this time. 

Another friend of mine just posted that she had a family member who actually said she was concerned that by adopting they would be taking things, like brand name clothes, away from their other children.  REally?  First, we don't buy our children brand name clothes anyway, but why can't others, outside of the adoption world, SEE that things don't matter.  Should we leave our girls in orphanages, to whither away, so that I can give Thomas and Gwen THINGS?  Do I want to raise children who would value toys over a person?

Is it okay for me to choose jewelry over rescuing these children?  Some would say we have done our part.  We adopted once already.  Aren't we done yet?  Hasn't the novelty worn off?  How will we know when we are done?  I would say right now that even after bringing the girls home we may not be done forever.  How do you stare at pleading eyes, eyes that scream, hold me, love me, please, and say no, I need this THING more.  I can't stare in those pleading eyes, and say, your life isn't worth it to me. 



This is a ten YEAR old girl.  Look closely at this picture.  Notice how tiny she is?  Notice the shaved head?  Notice how she is tied hand and foot to a crib?  She is tied so she can't get out of the crib and explore.  She is tied so the caregivers don't have to deal with her.  She is tied so she can be ignored, left year after year, not to grow and be loved, but to remain, to exist, to only exist.  Is my life worth more than hers?  Is it my place to decide her worth?  I don't think so.  This could be my Lillie or my Jocelyn in a few years.  Jocelyn is already VERY small, 15 pounds or so at 6.  Should I have left her?

 

This is a 13 year old boy.  His hands are tied together to prevent him from hurting himself.  I might hurt myself too if I was left in a crib and ignored all day, just to break up the monotony.  I see you sweet boy, I see you. 

I wish I could tell everyone who has doubts, or fears for us, or thinks we are crazy, how my heart will never be the same after leaving Eli's orphanage (which was truly doing a very nice job).  I wish I could make them see the joy Eli brings us.  I wish I could make them understand, that even on the hard days, the days I end up exhausted and worn, that I would never choose to go back to my old life.  I wish their hearts would break just a little for these children, who have no one to rub their thin bodies and give them comfort.  Who have no one to kiss them and love them and help them learn and explore.  I wish I could explain the absolute joy I feel when I look at Eli, when he calls MAMA impatiently, when he holds his sisters hand in the car, when he comes to me and asks me to take him somewhere. 

Everyone has worth and value.  We will continue to value and love those we are entrusted with, and be open to anymore who may be brought our way. 

Life skills

We have been busy around here!  In our homeschool, we are trying to work hard on important life skills :) 

What?  unrolling the entire roll of aluminum foil is an important life skill too :)

I will follow you into the dark

Last year at this time, I was longing and aching to hold this little guy in my arms. 

This was the updated picture we had gotten of him.  He seemed so grown from the old picture that was listed with him.  Would he like us?  Would we like him?  Were we making a mistake?  Not all unicorns and glitter when you adopt.  Adopting is scary and I believe everyone has doubt at some point.  For us, the moments where we KNEW what we were doing was right FAR outweighed the moments when we wondered, but if we are being truthful I DID have those moments.  I'm not ashamed to admit it either. 

Paperwork and social worker visits and drives to get papers signed, certified, and apostilled kept me busy. Finally the day came when we left to meet him.  The pain of leaving the other children behind was too much for me, and I cried silently on the way to the airport.  Luci kept us occupied on the plane ride ;)  so not much time to worry about the children left behind or the child we were going to meet. 

And then, we met him.  And he was everything I had dreamed of.  I had anticipated crying and hugging him, but he had different ideas!  He firmly took my hand and marched me to group bc it was time for circle and that was it.  We sat behind him, kissing his hand and marveling at this real child, finally, no longer a picture to look at, but a real child.  Sometimes I think with photo listings it's too easy to fall in love with a picture and we forget these are REAL children, waiting for families to call their own.  I think pictures can make it too easy to say, not this one, I don't like this card, this one is prettier. 

There were some rough times in country, with Eli testing boundries and limits, not speaking his language or the nanny's language.  I was SO glad to be home when we got back, and I thought, my arms are filled for now.  We knew we would adopt again at some point, bc we were so moved by the children we had left behind.  "Someday" came quicker than we had anticipated, and that is a lovely thing.

This mothers day, my arms are aching to hold our girls, our Lanie and our Jocelyn.  I KNOW this time we will have more struggles, simply based on the girls current functioning.  Neither girl is walking or talking, neither can feed themselves.  And the song, "I will follow you into the dark" plays in my head.  I will follow both of them, wherever they need to go.  If we need to walk into the dark and sit and be still for a while, then that is what we will do.  There is sacrifice on both sides of this adoption journey. 

Our adopted children's biological parents gave them up, whether they were ashamed of their disabilities or simply couldn't care for them I will never know.  But it is a sacrifice.  To never see Eli smiling and laughing, to never kiss his tears away and hold him tight.  To never hear him call "mama" when he needs me or wants to tell me something, it is a sacrifice.  We are sacrificing our easy world.  Life is good and simple right now, with very few struggles.  And it is okay that it may be hard when we bring the girls home.  We will grow stronger from the struggle. Our children will see that good things are worth waiting for.  They will understand that hard work brings great rewards. 

We want them to understand that there is always room for one more, in your heart and in your home.  These aren't just words we want them to hear.  We want them to see it for themselves.  See that it is okay to give up a comfortable life for someone else.  The greatest gift I can give my children is to teach them to care for others, to sacrifice your wants and needs to help someone else.  I hope they will someday understand what we are trying to do and what we are trying to teach them. 

Soon enough, I will be holding these two tight in my arms, following them on their journey to healing.  And I cannot wait until that day is here!

Dirty

Sorry it's been so long since I posted.  We've been busy and on vacation and doing adoption stuff...and I haven't had much to say.


One thing we noticed when we were at Eli's orphanage was that the nanny's were fastidious about keeping the children clean.  Faces were clean, all the girls hair was done, clothes were straight and tidy.  The children got scolded if they got dirty.  I am not complaining about this mind you.  This showed us that they cared about the children and wanted them to look nice.  This is a direct contrast to pictures I have seen and stories I have heard from other adoptive parents who had children in not so nice places. 


With that being said, when Eli first came home he would get very upset if he got dirty or wet, crying and holding out the part of him that was wet/dirty.  Over time, we were able to assure him that it was okay with us if he was wet or dirty, and he has slowly but surely become more okay with it. 

We are putting a little patio in our yard, and lots of dirt comes with that.  Gwen decided to play in the mud, and Eli joined in.  It warmed my heart to see him so happy to be dirty, no hesitation, no crying or upset.  He is our son, and every day we see more little signs that he is truly settling in here, after almost 6 years with no family to call his own!

 

 

As you can see in the video below, when I ask him if he is dirty his first reflex is to deny that he is dirty.  I think this may take a long time before it goes away, but we are okay with that.  I know this summer he will have many many opportunities to be dirty ;)