choices

Lanie had her open heart surgery on the 13th of may.  She did really well during and after surgery.  She ended up getting some fluid on her heart and lungs and we had to stay a couple of extra days but all is well and she is home now.

BUT.  Something pretty amazing happened when we were in the hospital.  She started crying when i would turn out the lights and go lay down at night.  If i got up and sat by her bed she would stop crying.  She has struggled with attachment, Jared and i feel fairly confident that she may have something else going on besides Down Syndrome.  Eye contact is hard for her and truthfully most days she is content to sit on the floor and stim with various toys.  We continue to work with her of course, but have also accepted that her attachment and progress will look different than our other kiddos. That is fine with us, just a different road to take.  For her to cry for me (Jared is undoubtedly her favorite round these parts) was simply amazing.

She was afraid and found comfort in me.  It sounds like such a simple thing.  Something i certainly took for granted before i had internationally adopted kids.  Watching Eli cry on the floor and refuse to be comforted was hard when he first got home, but helped prepare me for Jocelyn's flat out angry refusals to be comforted when she was upset.  Lanie has never really cared one way or another if we comfort her or not.  She will lay passively in our arms if we try and soothe her, or she will soothe herself if we don't.  I admit to feeling super tired one night and sort of laughing that this was the moment she would decide she wanted another person to soothe her, but seriously, what an amazing blessing to get to be the one who does life with this child.  I get to hold her and soothe her and grow with her.

She also decided that she really loves Hillsong kids songs, thanks to a super amazing friend who stayed with us for three weeks during vacation and surgery.  This is also AMAZING friends.  She stops fussing and listens and smiles when we turn on the music.  She fusses when the commercials come on.  She is making a CHOICE to listen to a specific set of songs, and shows displeasure when the songs go off.  I just feel like she is growing all the sudden, and i'm crazy excited to see where she will go next.

Side note:  Jared leaves to go to Bulgaria VERY soon to meet our new boys!!!  The excitement is high in this house!!!!