I'm sure you've all seen or heard of the videos on Planned Parenthood going around the Internet these days. My Facebook page is filled with pro-life vs. pro-choice arguments, memes for both sides, and lots of ugliness spewing out all over the place.
It's not a secret that we are firmly Pro-life in this household. As i think about what that means, i am struck by the thought that pro-LIFE means an entire life. Not just birth. I see SO many people discussing the issues who think they are pro-life, but in reality they are pro-birth. Meaning, they want the child to be born of course, and then they pat themselves on the back for another child "saved" and move on. But oh my goodness. When those parents need help with that child, be it through food programs, work programs or the like, i see screaming to cut funding. I see children who are sitting in foster care or orphanages for years and years and years. B/c once they were born they no longer "mattered" to the pro-birth crowd.
Don't get me wrong, it's great to be pro-birth. But can we be real here? Those kids don't just pop out ready to support themselves. One way or another, be it adoption, or social services for birth parents, or solid foster care options with GREAT services included, the children need to be supported.
I see foster parents becoming so disillusioned with the system. With the children who are not be considered. The push for reunification regardless of whether or not it is in the best interest of the child. I see birth parents struggling to make ends meet, or struggling to get services for their children, or struggling for education for their children. Struggling.
I see (and have been) adoptive parents who are screaming for help getting their children home from orphanages. It's really expensive to adopt. Adoptive parents are told it was their "choice" to adopt and that no one should have to give money to them. While that is true of course, i struggle when the same people who are SHOUTING for children to not be aborted, are the same ones who tell me my fundraising is annoying, or "those" kids i post depress them.
What has happened to us as a society? Do we give no value to life anymore? It makes no sense to me to fight for a baby to be born and then refuse to give help once that first breath is taken. I can post a complaint about something on facebook and get a bunch of comments and likes. But when i post about a child that needs a family, or a fundraiser? Often i get crickets.
Just a rant i guess, just hoping maybe someone will read and think, maybe i should be prolife, and not just probirth. Just a different perspective from a mama with soon to be 5 kiddos who would have had a serious chance of being aborted if their birth mothers had lived in this country. Thank God they were born elsewhere. Even having to wait years for us to come, means they have a chance. A chance to grow and learn and be loved.
Lets come together and be LIFE givers, not just Birth givers. Let's be LIFE encourager's, instead of BIRTH encourager's. Let's be Pro-life, and not just Pro-birth. Join us ;) Support adoption. Support the foster care system. Become a big brother/big sister. Vote for funding systems for underprivileged children and adults. Hold a fundraiser for an adoptive family. Donate to an adoptive family. Call and adoptive or foster family and offer to bring dinner, or do their laundry, or bring them chocolate ;) . Call an inner city school and see if they need volunteers. Support mental health funding. Become an advocate for a child in foster care. Volunteer at a woman's shelter. Do SOMETHING.
Saturday, August 8, 2015
Monday, July 6, 2015
Begging
My best friend is visiting her soon to be son this week. I've been anxiously waiting and waiting, just as excited for her as when Jared went to visit our boys. She had pictures and a medical report stating he was very underweight, and i think we were all holding out hope that they were old pictures and he would be in better shape when she actually got there. Unfortunately, he is not in better shape. He doesn't even weigh 10 pounds at age six most likely.
We cannot share current pictures, but his older pics i can. Believe me when i say he does not look better now. If anything he is smaller. I know my friend is simply heartbroken. I am heartbroken for them.
The only thing we can do for him is pray for him to hang on, to hold out for them to come back, and to donate so that if they are able to speed up his adoption process (legally of course) then money will not hold them back.
If you have $5 or more can you drop it in their pot? I can't do anything else for them in their heartbreak, so maybe i can take this burden off of them. Please help. Please. I'm begging. I have nothing left to sell or do, just simply begging to help save him. Remember this isn't a newborn. This is a 6 year old. http://reecesrainbow.org/81896/sponsormorse-2
We cannot share current pictures, but his older pics i can. Believe me when i say he does not look better now. If anything he is smaller. I know my friend is simply heartbroken. I am heartbroken for them.
The only thing we can do for him is pray for him to hang on, to hold out for them to come back, and to donate so that if they are able to speed up his adoption process (legally of course) then money will not hold them back.
If you have $5 or more can you drop it in their pot? I can't do anything else for them in their heartbreak, so maybe i can take this burden off of them. Please help. Please. I'm begging. I have nothing left to sell or do, just simply begging to help save him. Remember this isn't a newborn. This is a 6 year old. http://reecesrainbow.org/81896/sponsormorse-2
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Still i forget
18 months home and sometimes i forget. I forget i didn't give birth to her. I forget she hasn't always been here. She fills my arms and my heart and i simply forget. Until she does something that shatters my heart for her again.
Lanie is still sleeping in a crib in our room, b/c of her recent heart surgery and we want to keep an eye on her. She was going to sleep tonight and i was reading in bed mostly tuning her out. I heard her breathing even out and she started to snore a bit and it made me smile to myself. She choked and woke up and i heard her bouncing. I tuned it out at first but the noise continued and i looked over to make sure she was okay.
She was sitting straight up, bouncing herself. To soothe herself. B/c no one ever did. So she sits and bounces and falls asleep and wakes herself up falling. B/c she didn't have a mama or a papa to do it for her when she was a baby. B/c even 18 months of loving her with our whole hearts isn't enough to undo the damage laying in a crib does. She doesn't even look for us to soothe her in the night most of the time, b/c she simply doesn't remember it's an option. She soothes herself, b/c that's all she knew when she was alone for so long.
And that shatters me. Sometimes i think i will never find all the pieces of my heart that raising wounded children has given me. I gather them close and hope it's enough for them. I try not to die a little inside each time these things catch me off guard. I long for the day she cries every single time she is upset or bored or chokes in the middle of the night. For her to know that we are here and we will make it better. One day maybe. I can hope anyway.
I've often said, i don't mourn her diagnosis, b/c she wouldn't be here in this house most likely without it. But the time spent alone, waiting to be chosen, to be seen, it eats at me. Burns me up and breaks me when i see her soothing herself, or see Jo so fearful to try new things, b/c she was left for so long with nothing new at all, or see Eli still struggle with attachment and try to push us away when he is feeling unsure of something.
It's why we are doing this thing again. Bringing more children into the home. Children who are broken and lost. Children who may never feel whole again. B/c they were left for so very long. There's a song we listen to on the radio a lot that says
"Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together
If you can bring your shattered dreams and Ill bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us
The only way we'll last forever is broken together"
Lanie is still sleeping in a crib in our room, b/c of her recent heart surgery and we want to keep an eye on her. She was going to sleep tonight and i was reading in bed mostly tuning her out. I heard her breathing even out and she started to snore a bit and it made me smile to myself. She choked and woke up and i heard her bouncing. I tuned it out at first but the noise continued and i looked over to make sure she was okay.
She was sitting straight up, bouncing herself. To soothe herself. B/c no one ever did. So she sits and bounces and falls asleep and wakes herself up falling. B/c she didn't have a mama or a papa to do it for her when she was a baby. B/c even 18 months of loving her with our whole hearts isn't enough to undo the damage laying in a crib does. She doesn't even look for us to soothe her in the night most of the time, b/c she simply doesn't remember it's an option. She soothes herself, b/c that's all she knew when she was alone for so long.
And that shatters me. Sometimes i think i will never find all the pieces of my heart that raising wounded children has given me. I gather them close and hope it's enough for them. I try not to die a little inside each time these things catch me off guard. I long for the day she cries every single time she is upset or bored or chokes in the middle of the night. For her to know that we are here and we will make it better. One day maybe. I can hope anyway.
I've often said, i don't mourn her diagnosis, b/c she wouldn't be here in this house most likely without it. But the time spent alone, waiting to be chosen, to be seen, it eats at me. Burns me up and breaks me when i see her soothing herself, or see Jo so fearful to try new things, b/c she was left for so long with nothing new at all, or see Eli still struggle with attachment and try to push us away when he is feeling unsure of something.
It's why we are doing this thing again. Bringing more children into the home. Children who are broken and lost. Children who may never feel whole again. B/c they were left for so very long. There's a song we listen to on the radio a lot that says
"Maybe you and I were never meant to be complete
Could we just be broken together
If you can bring your shattered dreams and Ill bring mine
Could healing still be spoken and save us
The only way we'll last forever is broken together"
And i think. maybe it's true. Maybe we can just be broken together. Maybe we can heal each others hearts. Maybe it's enough. I might not ever be able to fill in those holes for my children. Maybe i'm not meant to. Maybe i'm just supposed to be here, for them, with them. Loving them as best i know how.
Thursday, May 28, 2015
Whatever may come
Jo peed in the potty today. They've been working on it at school and i decided just to try with her. She had been sitting for a while and i held my hands up to see if she wanted me to pick her up and she refused and then a minute later peed and then grinned and held her hands up. It was amazing. Seriously. I was typing to tell a friend about it and almost typed God is good. And he is. But you know what? He wouldn't be any less good if she never peed in the potty. If she never walks or talks or pees in the potty again it won't make him any less good. It won't make her any less amazing, just the way she is.
I was talking with a friend today about realistic expectations for our kids. I see differences in the way Jared and i look at our children with disabilities than i see in parents who have bio kiddos with disabilities. We didn't have an unexpected diagnosis, and i wonder if that makes a difference? We knew upfront that Jocelyn was very delayed, and we were cool with it. I think it's a hard thing to have expectations and hopes for our children, i know i certainly did with all of my pregnancies. We had hopes and dreams for them, still do of course. I think having those dreams and then having to find a different set of dreams for your child would be one of the hardest things ever to do. I don't pretend to understand how it feels b/c we have never been in those shoes. We don't mourn our children's diagnosis's, b/c realistically if they didn't have them they most likely wouldn't be in our house right now. Anyway, i think we are pretty realistic about the kiddo's in our home who have disabilities. One will be able to live fairly independently and two will not. One will be able to hold a job and two most likely will not.
And you know what? That's totally ok! I see so many stories in the news about this child with Down syndrome (or other disability) who was prom queen or has his own store or did amazing things and that is GREAT. But not every kid with a disability is going to go to prom or college or move out or even learn how to use the bathroom. And that is OK TOO. I absolutely understand why the media and even families want to promote and see these stories. But i would love to see stories of kids who one day decided to make eye contact for a second. And how it filled her mama's heart with such joy. Stories of how one day he decided not to rage, and there was peace for a moment. Stories of children who do their best to escape the house, or tear things up, or rock all day. Who never speak. Who never walk. Who never leave the house. B/c those children are amazing too.
They fill our hearts with the same love and joy and yes sorrow that our other children do. Secret time? Sometimes they fill our hearts even more than our typical kids when they finally meet our eyes. B/c things don't always come easy to them. Most days it's not easy for them. I do sometimes look at my children and wonder what will you be? But i don't despair for them. I want to see what they will be, who they will be. Whatever may come, we are ok with it.
I was talking with a friend today about realistic expectations for our kids. I see differences in the way Jared and i look at our children with disabilities than i see in parents who have bio kiddos with disabilities. We didn't have an unexpected diagnosis, and i wonder if that makes a difference? We knew upfront that Jocelyn was very delayed, and we were cool with it. I think it's a hard thing to have expectations and hopes for our children, i know i certainly did with all of my pregnancies. We had hopes and dreams for them, still do of course. I think having those dreams and then having to find a different set of dreams for your child would be one of the hardest things ever to do. I don't pretend to understand how it feels b/c we have never been in those shoes. We don't mourn our children's diagnosis's, b/c realistically if they didn't have them they most likely wouldn't be in our house right now. Anyway, i think we are pretty realistic about the kiddo's in our home who have disabilities. One will be able to live fairly independently and two will not. One will be able to hold a job and two most likely will not.
And you know what? That's totally ok! I see so many stories in the news about this child with Down syndrome (or other disability) who was prom queen or has his own store or did amazing things and that is GREAT. But not every kid with a disability is going to go to prom or college or move out or even learn how to use the bathroom. And that is OK TOO. I absolutely understand why the media and even families want to promote and see these stories. But i would love to see stories of kids who one day decided to make eye contact for a second. And how it filled her mama's heart with such joy. Stories of how one day he decided not to rage, and there was peace for a moment. Stories of children who do their best to escape the house, or tear things up, or rock all day. Who never speak. Who never walk. Who never leave the house. B/c those children are amazing too.
They fill our hearts with the same love and joy and yes sorrow that our other children do. Secret time? Sometimes they fill our hearts even more than our typical kids when they finally meet our eyes. B/c things don't always come easy to them. Most days it's not easy for them. I do sometimes look at my children and wonder what will you be? But i don't despair for them. I want to see what they will be, who they will be. Whatever may come, we are ok with it.
Saturday, May 23, 2015
choices
Lanie had her open heart surgery on the 13th of may. She did really well during and after surgery. She ended up getting some fluid on her heart and lungs and we had to stay a couple of extra days but all is well and she is home now.
BUT. Something pretty amazing happened when we were in the hospital. She started crying when i would turn out the lights and go lay down at night. If i got up and sat by her bed she would stop crying. She has struggled with attachment, Jared and i feel fairly confident that she may have something else going on besides Down Syndrome. Eye contact is hard for her and truthfully most days she is content to sit on the floor and stim with various toys. We continue to work with her of course, but have also accepted that her attachment and progress will look different than our other kiddos. That is fine with us, just a different road to take. For her to cry for me (Jared is undoubtedly her favorite round these parts) was simply amazing.
She was afraid and found comfort in me. It sounds like such a simple thing. Something i certainly took for granted before i had internationally adopted kids. Watching Eli cry on the floor and refuse to be comforted was hard when he first got home, but helped prepare me for Jocelyn's flat out angry refusals to be comforted when she was upset. Lanie has never really cared one way or another if we comfort her or not. She will lay passively in our arms if we try and soothe her, or she will soothe herself if we don't. I admit to feeling super tired one night and sort of laughing that this was the moment she would decide she wanted another person to soothe her, but seriously, what an amazing blessing to get to be the one who does life with this child. I get to hold her and soothe her and grow with her.
She also decided that she really loves Hillsong kids songs, thanks to a super amazing friend who stayed with us for three weeks during vacation and surgery. This is also AMAZING friends. She stops fussing and listens and smiles when we turn on the music. She fusses when the commercials come on. She is making a CHOICE to listen to a specific set of songs, and shows displeasure when the songs go off. I just feel like she is growing all the sudden, and i'm crazy excited to see where she will go next.
Side note: Jared leaves to go to Bulgaria VERY soon to meet our new boys!!! The excitement is high in this house!!!!
BUT. Something pretty amazing happened when we were in the hospital. She started crying when i would turn out the lights and go lay down at night. If i got up and sat by her bed she would stop crying. She has struggled with attachment, Jared and i feel fairly confident that she may have something else going on besides Down Syndrome. Eye contact is hard for her and truthfully most days she is content to sit on the floor and stim with various toys. We continue to work with her of course, but have also accepted that her attachment and progress will look different than our other kiddos. That is fine with us, just a different road to take. For her to cry for me (Jared is undoubtedly her favorite round these parts) was simply amazing.
She was afraid and found comfort in me. It sounds like such a simple thing. Something i certainly took for granted before i had internationally adopted kids. Watching Eli cry on the floor and refuse to be comforted was hard when he first got home, but helped prepare me for Jocelyn's flat out angry refusals to be comforted when she was upset. Lanie has never really cared one way or another if we comfort her or not. She will lay passively in our arms if we try and soothe her, or she will soothe herself if we don't. I admit to feeling super tired one night and sort of laughing that this was the moment she would decide she wanted another person to soothe her, but seriously, what an amazing blessing to get to be the one who does life with this child. I get to hold her and soothe her and grow with her.
She also decided that she really loves Hillsong kids songs, thanks to a super amazing friend who stayed with us for three weeks during vacation and surgery. This is also AMAZING friends. She stops fussing and listens and smiles when we turn on the music. She fusses when the commercials come on. She is making a CHOICE to listen to a specific set of songs, and shows displeasure when the songs go off. I just feel like she is growing all the sudden, and i'm crazy excited to see where she will go next.
Side note: Jared leaves to go to Bulgaria VERY soon to meet our new boys!!! The excitement is high in this house!!!!
Monday, May 11, 2015
First trip
Quick note to say we have travel dates and Jared will be traveling to meet the boys in Early June! We are super duper thrilled to tell the boys that they have a forever family! I will be staying home with the other kids and then i will go on pickup trip with a friend. We are down to needed less than 6k to be fully funded to ransom these two boys forever!
On another note, our Lanie is having heart surgery on this coming Wed. I am feeling crazy anxiety about them cutting open my baby's chest, so please pray for her and for me if you have a spare one!
Just a quick update today, lots to do before surgery!
On another note, our Lanie is having heart surgery on this coming Wed. I am feeling crazy anxiety about them cutting open my baby's chest, so please pray for her and for me if you have a spare one!
Just a quick update today, lots to do before surgery!
Thursday, April 9, 2015
rocks and tantrums
At church on Easter, the pastor gave us all a box. Inside the box were several things, one of them being a rock. He told us to take the rock out and feel the weight of it. Then he asked us to text him (yes at church LOL) one burden that was weighing us down like the weight of the rock. I went back in forth in my head, but decided on Lanie's upcoming heart surgery. It was between that and being able to bring the boys home, but Lanie's surgery is a constant heavy weight on me.
I posted a mini tantrum on facebook, saying that i was hoping that Jared could travel before Lanie's surgery and how disappointed i was that it wasn't going to happen. I am nervous about being alone with Lanie quickly after her surgery, she doesn't have a great history after surgery. In the days that followed, i've gotten no less than three offers from friends who want to come hold her and keep her upright at night, two out of town friends who are offering to drop everything and come stay with me if Jared needs to go and i'm nervous, we got chosen to be part of a multi-family grant opportunity, and another sweet friend is splitting all her proceeds between her family and ours, even though SHE herself is fundraising to bring home a very sick little boy, and another friend is doing an avon fundraiser for us. Overwhelming to say the least.
http://2byland-2bysea.blogspot.com/2015/04/for-my-friend.html
https://www.facebook.com/AvonForAdoptions?pnref=story
http://reecesrainbow.org/555families
And so the weight is being lifted. Dear friend who WANT to take off work and sit with you while your baby is being cut open. Friends who want to have sleepless nights holding YOUR child so you can feel ok about your husband leaving the country. Friends who want to drive hundreds of miles to hold your hand. Friends who want to give up money THEY rightly need for their own children. One by one by one the offers poured in and lifted the weight off my shoulder, lifted the heavy burden off of my heart. So i'm casting my cares away, and being lifted and held in return.
What burden are you holding friends? Can you cast it away? You might be surprised at what happens when you do <3
I posted a mini tantrum on facebook, saying that i was hoping that Jared could travel before Lanie's surgery and how disappointed i was that it wasn't going to happen. I am nervous about being alone with Lanie quickly after her surgery, she doesn't have a great history after surgery. In the days that followed, i've gotten no less than three offers from friends who want to come hold her and keep her upright at night, two out of town friends who are offering to drop everything and come stay with me if Jared needs to go and i'm nervous, we got chosen to be part of a multi-family grant opportunity, and another sweet friend is splitting all her proceeds between her family and ours, even though SHE herself is fundraising to bring home a very sick little boy, and another friend is doing an avon fundraiser for us. Overwhelming to say the least.
http://2byland-2bysea.blogspot.com/2015/04/for-my-friend.html
https://www.facebook.com/AvonForAdoptions?pnref=story
http://reecesrainbow.org/555families
And so the weight is being lifted. Dear friend who WANT to take off work and sit with you while your baby is being cut open. Friends who want to have sleepless nights holding YOUR child so you can feel ok about your husband leaving the country. Friends who want to drive hundreds of miles to hold your hand. Friends who want to give up money THEY rightly need for their own children. One by one by one the offers poured in and lifted the weight off my shoulder, lifted the heavy burden off of my heart. So i'm casting my cares away, and being lifted and held in return.
What burden are you holding friends? Can you cast it away? You might be surprised at what happens when you do <3
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